dreams » The Baughers

Duck Dreamin'

Nov 302009

I happen to be the foremost expert on Duck Dreamin’, as well as Darkness and monsters in my house. My kids can vouch for me if you doubt.

For some strange reason, my son, who is now 8, used to dream a lot when he was 3-4 about ducks. Ducks on ponds, ducks flying, ducks just about everywhere. He wasn’t particularly worried about them. They didn’t make him wake up screaming or anything. He’d just tell us in the morning about the ducks and what they were up to.

Well, he’s older now and has gotten over that. He’s been replaced, however, with 3-year and 5-year old daughters with just as much imagination. Both are afraid of the dark. The 5-year old is worried about monsters, but the 3-year old is plagued by – surprise surprise – ducks! Not only that, her ducks aren’t as nice as my son’s were years ago. No, hers are supposedly trying to get to her.

It’s weird how kids get these ideas. They aren’t born afraid of the dark, and I’ve made sure we’ve never teased about that, because I didn’t want to get something started. I’m assuming it’s something kids tell each other – maybe older ones trying to spook the younger ones.

Anyway, I’m the expert, so I had to explain to my girls the rules that dream animals have to operate under.

1) Dream animals absolutely cannot penetrate blankets. Any body part covered by a blanket is safe.

2) Your face is safe even outside of blankets, because there aren’t any tasty parts on your face. Dream animals are after better treats, like fingers and toes.

3) Lastly – and this is the most important thing to remember – the worst thing a dream animal can possibly do to you is wake you up.

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Insanity, here I come!

cool stuff, dreams, gripes 1 Response »

Jul 042009

Ah, what can I say? As I tell my kids, “The brain worms attacked me all night long last night.” It’s a nice visual explanation for them of something that I can’t otherwise explain to them. In reality, it’s a combination of sleeping very hard, then waking up easily to a nasty migraine headache. The sleeping periods are consumed by dreams so bizarre that I know even within the dream that I’m dreaming. So I’m never really concerned about the waves of zombies following me around – they just annoy the crap out of me until I wake up.

Let me add, the other really annoying thing? These dreams also tend to be serialized, in that the new one picks up where the old one left off. There’s none of that “wake up to break the dream cycle and then go peacefully back to sleep. No, in these dreams the monsters are standing there waiting for me,

So, I wake up and the migraine jumps out and pokes me in both eyes. Kinda feels like somone using a rusty spoon to scoop out my eyes, while at the same time the pounding in the back of my head beats along with the blood in my veins.

Luckily I know the miracle of Excedrin, and I also have some pressure-point knowledge. I can generally swallow 2 Excedrin, and within the time it takes to get a quick shower, I can convince the majority of the pain to leave.

This isn’t all that common – maybe once a month or two. When I was younger, it used to happen more. I had a fairly famous dream series – at least among my family members – where I was attacked by an old witch-type lady with a power drill. Not a regular drill, but a big hammer-drill. The interesting part of the dream was that she had a big long orange extension cord, and when she reached the end of the cord, it would come loose and I’d wake up. The very last time I remember having that dream, I remember for some reason I stayed too close, she didn’t’ run out of cord, and she rammed that drill right into my stomach. I never had that particular dream again.

So, be prepared – I may talk about some wierd stuff today. For instance, I’ll be writing about laundry detergent cups in a few minutes.

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