The best thing about this picture is that I can imagine Shatner actually saying it.

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Apparently there is a cat named Oscar in a Rhode Island nursing home that’s being given credit for predicting which patient is going to die next.  The theory is that the cat is attracted to ketones, which the article says are given off by dying cells.

I suspect the cat isn’t drawn to patients who are dying, but is preying on the weak and sick in the nursing home.  They would make ideal victims.  The cat is simply staking out a helpless person, waiting until no one is around so they can snatch the person’s soul.

Why would cats do such a thing?  Why do they hate people so much?  Mainly because they are still upset about their loss of stature.  They were once worshipped in Egypt, and you can tell by their manner that they still think they should be bowed to.  When they don’t get the respect they think they deserve, they get upset and go on a killing spree.

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Sometimes I think I’ve been around the Internet WAY too long, as I rarely hear a joke that I haven’t heard around 100 times before.  So when I DO hear a new one, it’s an extra treat.  Here’s one I found at Argghhh!!!.  Here’s a direct link to the joke.  Thanks to Argghhh!!! for brightening my day.

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, “A hamburger, fries and a coke.” The waitress turns to the ostrich, and jokingly asks “what do you want?”

To her surprise, the ostrich responds. “I’ll have the same.” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order and the bill. She says “that will be $9.40, please.” The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, “a hamburger, fries and a coke.”

The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. The waitress asks “The usual?”.

“No” says the man, “This if Friday night. So I’d like a steak, baked potato and a salad.”
“I’ll have the same.” says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and bill and she says, “That will be $22.62.”

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me sir. How do you always manage to come up with the exact change in your pocket, every time? And what is with the talking ostrich?”

“Well” says the man, “Several years ago, I was cleaning out my attic and I found an old lamp. I rubbed, and out came a genie who granted me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”

“That is brilliant.” says the waitress. “most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there” says the man.

The waitress asks, “So, what’s with the ostrich?”

The man sighs, pauses and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.”

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Funny how that tends to be the first line in a lot of my stories, even though I never step foot in a bar anymore except for pool league, and I don’t drink during that. Continue reading »

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