A little political humor…

Here’s a chain e-mail that made me chuckle on this cold grey winter day…


Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950’s, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce.  I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course.  Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let’s just end it on friendly terms.  We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion.  That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement.  After that, it should be relatively easy!  Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU, and abortion clinics.  Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell.

We’ll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens.  We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms and rednecks.  We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.  You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters.  When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.

We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values.  You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain.  You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We’ll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars.  You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.  We’ll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.  We’ll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We’ll practice trickledown economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this?  If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete.  In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.


John J. Wall

Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand, Jane Fonda and Nancy Pelosi with you.

6 thoughts on “A little political humor…”

  1. The Constitution that gives you the things listed in this letter also gives anyone that does not agree with you the right to voice the way they thing. It is a two way street. Of course we will keep most of the things that were invented by our group. I wonder what things you would be without?

  2. It sounds that way to me.

    Also you said in another post that health care is not a right. I am sure your catholic upbringing teaches differently.

    1. Andy, if I didn’t think you had a right to your opinion, I would just delete all your comments that disagree with me. Instead I have approved every one of them, and have replied to your arguments with my own thoughts to create and contrast our two different viewpoints.

      No, my Catholic upbringing did not teach me that healthcare is a “right”. It taught me that as a Christian I SHOULD help the less-fortunate, not that we should pass a law forcing me to. Yes, that is the official stance of the Pope and the Catholic Church. Surprisingly enough, a practicing Catholic does not need to agree lock-step with the Vatican to remain in a state of grace with our Lord. This won’t be the first time I’ve disagreed with the Church on policy, and I’m sure it won’t be the last.

  3. If I am wrong correct me as I am sure you will. It is okay for someone to die because they didn’t have a health plan that would cover illness? Or you can be dropped because you have costs them too much money to treat you. Better yet you loose your nest egg fighting some illness. I have seen first hand what it costs to fight cancer and without decent health care we would be broke from paying the bills.

    1. Hospitals cannot refuse treatment for a life-threatening emergency.

      It is wrong to allow someone to die when they can be helped. It is also wrong to take from me – by force – money to pay someone else’s medical bills. It is also wrong to force someone to buy insurance when they don’t want it.

      As for the other points, those are all related to the high costs of insurance and the high cost of actual care and treatment. Rather than having a federal government takover of the healthcare industry, let’s focus on ways to reduce healthcare costs. There were 4 main suggestions by the GOP listed here, but I’ll give an excerpt:

      Number one: let families and businesses buy health insurance across state lines.
      Number two: allow individuals, small businesses, and trade associations to pool together and acquire health insurance at lower prices, the same way large corporations and labor unions do.
      Number three: give states the tools to create their own innovative reforms that lower health care costs.
      Number four: end junk lawsuits that contribute to higher health care costs by increasing the number of tests and procedures that physicians sometimes order not because they think it’s good medicine, but because they are afraid of being sued.

      These are all things that would lower the costs of healthcare and make it more accessible without costing taxpayers more money.

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